Friday, August 20, 2010

Taking it all in then letting it all out..

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of greatness. The feeling reminds me a lot of some things I picked up from What The Bleep Do We Know?. In the book, there is a reference to the question "what is reality?" and one thing discussed is how we wake up every morning and just assume that when we get out of bed and stand on the floor, there will be a floor there and not the edge of some cliff. We know this because every day we wake up and reorient ourselves with our surroundings and the floor is there and solid (can be detected by all our senses). But what happens when you wake up your life? Is there going to be a floor to stand on? I think this is where I am. I've woken myself up but each step I take is nearly a blind one. Instead of using sight, touch, smell, etc to make my way, I have to rely on intuition and experience. I've already stumbled before and it wasn't pretty. I'm not trying to prevent that again but it's scary to not know when you might dive off into that cliff. All I can do is go confidently and hope my choices will lead me in the right direction.

One thing that I am taking on and finally moving forward with is my dream of hosting a festival. My friend, Matt planted the bug and since then I have sorta run with it. I'm beginning to realize how much work goes into it but also how much I enjoy the work that it is. It's a test run for me. A trial. If I love it and get out of it what I put in, then there's always room for more. It's scary to think that two people with out a whole lot of experience putting together something like this are going for it. The good news is I've already been talking to a lot of people about it and every one who I've talked to has been enthusiastic about helping or the idea in general. Oh and while you're here, check out the fancy facebook link on the left.

In short, I'm so ready to make my dreams a reality.

Monday, August 9, 2010

a few lessons

So as most of you know, or could read from my blog, the past few months of my life have been some of the most difficult times I have seen yet. The work is not done and more obstacles lie ahead. I feel have gained more clarity about what I seek in my life and the feeling is one of rebirth. There are a few lessons that I have learned that I would like to share.

The first is of greatest importance to me and what I live my life by. It is the mantra that I repeat to myself nearly every day. This is to have fun. Regardless of the situation or how low you may feel in your life, seek the positive. I don't have to pull myself out of bed every day because I know that each day brings with it new opportunities.

Another great lesson that I have learned is to seek what is important in my life. After living with great financial hardship, I know that the material world around me is less and less important and that the intangible things that most take for granted are those that are irreplaceable. I hold my relationships with others in highest esteem. I am slowly learning to take my health at great importance too, but this is certainly one that is harder for me since I have developed so many bad habits. I am discovering new blessings in my life every day that I have been ignorant of for so long. Sometimes, I just need to keep my eyes open.

I have also learned that I cannot sit back and wait for my dreams to come to me. There are things that tend to just walk up to my doorstep but I cannot rely on this. To achieve the dreams that I have, I must work hard and bring with me all the good that I have. Although I am taking the small steps every day to bring me closer, the hardest part for me is to learn patience. For so long I have taken the attitude that I want it all and I want it all right now. I need to learn to listen to my inner voice and wait for the right moment to begin.

The last lesson that I would like to share is one of love. We've all heard it before..."love conquers all"..."love is the gateway to great things"...and blah blah blah. I believe in the power of love but it is more than just the romantic bullshit most people make it out to be. The most important thing I have learned is to know myself and then to love myself. Without this, you cannot even begin to love anything outside or yourself. Start with small things. Love the way you sleep funky at night and wake up with bed head. Love the freckles that appear on your face when you spend too much time in the sun. Love the air you breathe in, the way you spend your time, the books you've read, and the small things that make up who you are. Only then can you begin to look at those around you and love the little things that make them who they are. Think of how different the world would be if only we would hate a little less and love a little more.

Take these lessons for what they are. They are not rules, they are not wisdom. They are simply what I have learned from my experiences.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

it's a's an opportunity

I try so hard not to forget how blessed I truly am. Each day there are little reminders. Today my reminder was some leftovers a friend brought me from the restaurant she works at. It became lunch. Someone once told me "Accept food when you can. You never know where your next meal will come from." Wise words. A couchsurfer's words.

All my hard work in looking for a job has finally paid off. I have learned, though, that a job does not define who you are and it certainly does not define what I do. My job description is often pretty fluid. Lately, it's been mostly "artist". I am finally inspired and devoted to becoming what I have always believed I wanted to be when I grow up. Now as for what's making the money at the moment, I am so blessed to have joined a little pizzeria in Liberty Park as their newest server. It is nice to walk into a job and instantly feel like you are home. I am a little out of my element but I am excited to accept the new challenges that come with it.

My friends have helped me out tremendously during the past few months and I am slowly working towards showing them my appreciation. I may never be able to do what they have done for me but I will at least try to give back some of what has been given to me. Some of it may be paid forward, some of it may be small, and some of it may be all. I am excited about this coming month as I slowly began my ascension again and hope there will be others to join me in this great journey I call life. It is always much more amazing to share the road with those you love than to try and go it alone. I have dreams, I have goals, and I want for all my friends better than what they may have now. If you know me at all, I am not talking in the material sense. I am trying on a day to day basis to help all those around me enjoy and love their life as much as I do. This is why, no matter what the occasion, I always tell people to "have fun." It's a mantra. It's a philosophy.